just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
