Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
