Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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