Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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