I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
