Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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