it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
