she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
