Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
