i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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