i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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