I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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