ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
