You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
