and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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