Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
