i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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