So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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