3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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