To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
