Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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