oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
