It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
