The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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