Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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