I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
