We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
