I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
