my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
