Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
