So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
