um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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