I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
