The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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