An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
