I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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