i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
