i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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