Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize