Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
