if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
