I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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