The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
