I think I died a long time ago.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
