like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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