At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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