Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
