So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
