9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
its liver damage thursday
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
