I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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