Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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