I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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