They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
