i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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