I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
