new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I color on your dick again?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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