Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize