I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
