Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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