He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
