Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
