I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How does one acquire holy water?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
