Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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