I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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