Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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