he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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