His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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