Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
