I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
