By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
