Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
