just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
