just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
