You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
