Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
