I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
