batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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