Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
