the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
