I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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