we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize